Tulisa’s make-up-free face is shrouded by large black designer sunglasses and a tight blue hooded sweater.‘I haven’t been able to sleep all week, I’ve got terrible insomnia,’ she says. Perhaps it’s no surprise..
For the past month the 24-year-old X Factor judge has been the target of countless negative stories about her relationship with Newcastle United footballer Danny Simpson..
Hurt: Tulisa has been through a lot this year and she admits it has hurt her, but she isn't called the Female Boss for nothing
There are also untrue rumours that X Factor producers have been unhappy with her performance this year. And she’s had to cope during the past three weeks with the indignity of having no acts left on the show, which reaches its final this weekend, after the shock elimination of favourite Ella Henderson, whom she mentored.Tulisa sums up 2012 bluntly. ‘This has been the worst year of my life. It’s been horrid,’ she says. Which is in stark contrast to just 12 months ago, when Tulisa, whose real name is Tula Paulinea Contostavlos, was heralded Britain’s brightest new star as the girl band she mentored, Little Mix, won The X Factor.
But in January, dark clouds began to gather when she split from her childhood sweetheart, Fazer Rawson, who was a member of her band N-Dubz. In March she found solace with actor Jack O’Connell, who starred in the E4 drama Skins, but the relationship lasted only three months.
After Jack I was alone for six months, which is pretty good for a 24-year-old girl who likes going out and partying,’ she says. A short spell dating Jody Latham from Channel 4’s Shameless came to nothing. ‘He got very intense too quickly. I realised it wasn’t right, so I ended the relationship.’
In the same week, a mutual friend set her up on a date in Manchester with footballer Danny and, she tells me, ‘My world turned upside down. It was instant for both of us.’
But when their romance went public, Danny’s former girlfriend Stephanie Ward – the mother of his one-year-old daughter – gave interviews revealing she was pregnant with another baby of Danny’s. She branded Tulisa a home-wrecker in the process.
That accusation infuriated Tulisa, who is well aware of the impact of a broken home. Her father Steve left her mother Anne, who suffers from schizophrenia, when she was 14.
‘I’d finally found happiness and fallen head over heels for someone, and then an ex-girlfriend comes out and says I shouldn’t be happy,’ Tulisa says.
‘I’ve spent years trying to build my career, and with one headline this girl made the public think something of me that isn’t true. I don’t believe in sitting back and letting people lie about you. I have every right to defend myself.
‘I knew Danny hadn’t been in a relationship with her for months. He showed me their text messages. He called her as a courtesy to let her know he was with me – I heard the call because he put it on speakerphone. It was only then that she told him she was pregnant.
'He had no idea. I heard everything. It’s preposterous that people think I can be branded a home-wrecker and I should still rise above it. That would make me a robot like every other celebrity.’
It’s obvious Tulisa’s relationship with Danny is serious. He’s flown down from Newcastle to be at our photo shoot.
By now, she’s had her hair and make-up done and been transformed into the glamorous pop star we’re used to seeing. He stands in the corner of the studio watching her pose. ‘You look beautiful,’ he reassures her.
She’s the first to concede that Danny ‘hasn’t been an angel’ in his past, but says he’s always been honest with her. ‘He told me everything, including that there was a mother of his child who’d try and rip us apart.
'For me, nothing is ever good unless I have to go through pain, so it made sense to me. If we didn’t have any problems, I’d think it was too good to be true because that’s how my life works. Danny’s not a bad person. Every man has it in them to be a good person if he’s with the right woman.’
So how does she really feel about the criticism that’s been thrown at her? ‘I’m devastated,’ she admits softly. ‘People only see me ranting and defending myself. They don’t see me crying my eyes out over what’s been said. I do feel very vulnerable at the moment.’
I’ve known Tulisa for five years, long before she was on magazine covers, and while the public tends to see the feisty side she developed during a difficult upbringing in Camden, north London, she’s actually very sensitive. ‘I don’t feel safe enough to show my vulnerable side in public,’ she explains.
‘The people who hate me want me to break down on TV or go mad and shave my hair off. But if I cry my enemies will think they’ve won.’
Much of the disapproval towards her has been sparked by her use of the social networking website Twitter, where she’s responded to attacks on her in the strongest possible way.
For example, when Lord Sugar called on Simon Cowell to replace her on the X Factor panel next year, she called him an ‘ugly hobbit’ and ‘a miserable old man’. Tulisa is unapologetic and believes she’s targeted for criticism because of her working-class background.
‘Someone like Sharon Osbourne can get away with defending herself because she’s a bit older and speaks with a bit of a posh accent,’ she says. ‘But because I’m a chav, people say, “She’s got no respect.” Rubbish. On The X Factor I’m very respectful because I know children are watching.’
She adds, ‘I don’t view myself as a role model. I’m an inspirer. I inspire people who were bullied growing up, like I was, to stand up for themselves.’
Tulisa has previously spoken of the torment she suffered at school, and the depression during her teenage years while she was caring for her mother that caused her to self-harm.
‘People need to remember I’ve had a rough childhood. I was battered so many times growing up, I had to get aggressive and toughen up. I still have that streak in me. It only comes out when I’m pushed into a corner. That’s when I end up lashing out.’
Besides, Simon Cowell has always encouraged Tulisa to be outspoken on the show. She recalls, ‘I told Simon when I was auditioning for the judge’s job, “I can tone myself down if you want. I won’t go on Twitter and swear.” He said, “No. I just want you to be 100 per cent yourself.” And that’s what I’m doing. Simon gets what I’m about. That’s why he hired me. I’ve made my career because I’ll never sit back in a corner and give in.’
She says no one at ITV has questioned her behaviour. ‘They’re pleased with me on the live shows because I’m being feistier than last year. Whether people tune into the show to love me or hate me, they’re still watching.’ Her sparring with fellow judge Gary Barlow has certainly made for compelling viewing, especially when he accused her of having ‘fag ash breath’.
‘That was the real Gary coming out. I’m not saying he’s horrible, but in real life that’s what he would say,’ she insists. ‘I was angry because I know I don’t have bad breath. But I’d smoked a cigarette in the ad break and he could smell it. He apologised and I’m over it now.’
There have also been suggestions there’s a feud between Tulisa and The X Factor’s new female judge Nicole Scherzinger, former member of the Pussycat Dolls and girlfriend of Formula 1 star Lewis Hamilton.
But Tulisa insists that’s not the case and whips out her BlackBerry to show me a text message in which Nicole had asked her out for dinner. ‘I thought we’d be at loggerheads. But she’s not the person that was described to me,’ she says, referring to Nicole’s reputation as a diva.
‘We’re not best friends. But I class her as a mate. She’s been a great judge and is a girl after my own heart because she’s a Cancerian like me. She snaps if she’s backed into a corner, but she’s not as bad as I am!’
Somewhat unexpectedly, it’s been 60-year-old Louis Walsh to whom Tulisa has become closest. In fact, the pair have become genuine friends.
‘We’re almost like brother and sister, but I’m the older brother!’ Tulisa cackles. ‘That’s what it’s like. It’s bizarre. But I don’t know what I’d do without Louis.’
They often share a bottle of wine in his hotel room after finishing work on The X Factor. ‘We’re very much on the same page. He finds me hilarious,’ she smiles.
As the present series comes to a controversial end, Tulisa has a lingering sadness that she was unable to take 16-year-old Ella – the favourite at the start of the live shows – to the final.
‘I really don’t think there was any more I could have done as her mentor. Her song choices and performances were incredible.’ But she has no doubt Ella will go on to be a major star. ‘She’s been getting record deals thrown at her left, right and centre.’
There’s speculation Simon Cowell is going to return for the show’s tenth anniversary next year as the ratings have dropped for a second year running. Tulisa has no plans to walk away though.
‘I wouldn’t want to lose Gary or Louis to work with Simon. But I would love to be able to have him on the panel as well,’ she says diplomatically.
She admits she did ‘sugar-coat’ herself during her X Factor debut last year, when she was suddenly put in the Cheryl Cole slot on the judging panel. ‘I was playing the game a bit then, but I decided I had to be the real me this year.’
The change began when intimate footage of her with an old boyfriend, Justin Edwards, appeared on the internet in May this year. She successfully sued, but realised her reputation had been damaged. ‘I felt as if I was back to where I started.
'This little fantasy world I had created where I was happy just came crashing down. It was back to being Tulisa from N-Dubz and some people’s opinions of me changed.’
From there, the year ‘got worse and worse and worse’, something she says she’s come to expect with her rollercoaster life. ‘The way my life has panned out so far, I’ll have a really amazing year, then, when I feel the pain has stopped and I’m finally starting to be happy, people try to ruin it.’
That’s why the negative reactions to her relationship with Danny have been so tough. ‘I guess it was love at first sight. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been with a guy. I was wary at first because I didn’t want to become the next WAG. But it’s not my fault who I fall for.
'I told him, “Don’t ever mess with me.” Danny’s here today because of how down I’m feeling. He’s trying to be there for me so we can go through this together. He’s having to play football with thousands of people screaming abuse at him, while I’ve got to go on national TV every weekend.’
As for marriage and children... ‘I love the idea of marriage. I don’t think 24 is young to get married. I want kids too but I’m not ready yet because there’s a lot more I want to achieve.’
Tulisa has her now-famous catchphrase ‘the female boss’ tattooed on her forearm, and believes that message has provided her with the strength to get through the year.
‘I think if the public didn’t believe in or understand the term before, they do now. The female boss is my inner strength, it’s why I’m still fighting. Even with all this success, I’m still being dragged down. But I’ll hold up my arm and say, “I’m going to be happy.” And I will.’
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In the same week, a mutual friend set her up on a date in Manchester with footballer Danny and, she tells me, ‘My world turned upside down. It was instant for both of us.’
Bad year: Tulisa sums up 2012 as the worst year of her life
That accusation infuriated Tulisa, who is well aware of the impact of a broken home. Her father Steve left her mother Anne, who suffers from schizophrenia, when she was 14.
‘I’d finally found happiness and fallen head over heels for someone, and then an ex-girlfriend comes out and says I shouldn’t be happy,’ Tulisa says.
‘I’ve spent years trying to build my career, and with one headline this girl made the public think something of me that isn’t true. I don’t believe in sitting back and letting people lie about you. I have every right to defend myself.
‘I knew Danny hadn’t been in a relationship with her for months. He showed me their text messages. He called her as a courtesy to let her know he was with me – I heard the call because he put it on speakerphone. It was only then that she told him she was pregnant.
'He had no idea. I heard everything. It’s preposterous that people think I can be branded a home-wrecker and I should still rise above it. That would make me a robot like every other celebrity.’
It’s obvious Tulisa’s relationship with Danny is serious. He’s flown down from Newcastle to be at our photo shoot.
By now, she’s had her hair and make-up done and been transformed into the glamorous pop star we’re used to seeing. He stands in the corner of the studio watching her pose. ‘You look beautiful,’ he reassures her.
She’s the first to concede that Danny ‘hasn’t been an angel’ in his past, but says he’s always been honest with her. ‘He told me everything, including that there was a mother of his child who’d try and rip us apart.
Glam: She has been transformed into a glamorous pop star and was even voted FHM's sexiest woman of the year
So how does she really feel about the criticism that’s been thrown at her? ‘I’m devastated,’ she admits softly. ‘People only see me ranting and defending myself. They don’t see me crying my eyes out over what’s been said. I do feel very vulnerable at the moment.’
I’ve known Tulisa for five years, long before she was on magazine covers, and while the public tends to see the feisty side she developed during a difficult upbringing in Camden, north London, she’s actually very sensitive. ‘I don’t feel safe enough to show my vulnerable side in public,’ she explains.
‘The people who hate me want me to break down on TV or go mad and shave my hair off. But if I cry my enemies will think they’ve won.’
Devastated: She is devastated at the criticism thrown at her over her relationship with Danny Simpson
For example, when Lord Sugar called on Simon Cowell to replace her on the X Factor panel next year, she called him an ‘ugly hobbit’ and ‘a miserable old man’. Tulisa is unapologetic and believes she’s targeted for criticism because of her working-class background.
‘Someone like Sharon Osbourne can get away with defending herself because she’s a bit older and speaks with a bit of a posh accent,’ she says. ‘But because I’m a chav, people say, “She’s got no respect.” Rubbish. On The X Factor I’m very respectful because I know children are watching.’
She adds, ‘I don’t view myself as a role model. I’m an inspirer. I inspire people who were bullied growing up, like I was, to stand up for themselves.’
Tulisa has previously spoken of the torment she suffered at school, and the depression during her teenage years while she was caring for her mother that caused her to self-harm.
‘People need to remember I’ve had a rough childhood. I was battered so many times growing up, I had to get aggressive and toughen up. I still have that streak in me. It only comes out when I’m pushed into a corner. That’s when I end up lashing out.’
Besides, Simon Cowell has always encouraged Tulisa to be outspoken on the show. She recalls, ‘I told Simon when I was auditioning for the judge’s job, “I can tone myself down if you want. I won’t go on Twitter and swear.” He said, “No. I just want you to be 100 per cent yourself.” And that’s what I’m doing. Simon gets what I’m about. That’s why he hired me. I’ve made my career because I’ll never sit back in a corner and give in.’
She says no one at ITV has questioned her behaviour. ‘They’re pleased with me on the live shows because I’m being feistier than last year. Whether people tune into the show to love me or hate me, they’re still watching.’ Her sparring with fellow judge Gary Barlow has certainly made for compelling viewing, especially when he accused her of having ‘fag ash breath’.
'2012 has been the worst year of my life'
There have also been suggestions there’s a feud between Tulisa and The X Factor’s new female judge Nicole Scherzinger, former member of the Pussycat Dolls and girlfriend of Formula 1 star Lewis Hamilton.
But Tulisa insists that’s not the case and whips out her BlackBerry to show me a text message in which Nicole had asked her out for dinner. ‘I thought we’d be at loggerheads. But she’s not the person that was described to me,’ she says, referring to Nicole’s reputation as a diva.
‘We’re not best friends. But I class her as a mate. She’s been a great judge and is a girl after my own heart because she’s a Cancerian like me. She snaps if she’s backed into a corner, but she’s not as bad as I am!’
Good friends: Nicole invites Tulisa for dinner and she says Nicole isn't the diva made her out to be
‘We’re almost like brother and sister, but I’m the older brother!’ Tulisa cackles. ‘That’s what it’s like. It’s bizarre. But I don’t know what I’d do without Louis.’
They often share a bottle of wine in his hotel room after finishing work on The X Factor. ‘We’re very much on the same page. He finds me hilarious,’ she smiles.
As the present series comes to a controversial end, Tulisa has a lingering sadness that she was unable to take 16-year-old Ella – the favourite at the start of the live shows – to the final.
‘I really don’t think there was any more I could have done as her mentor. Her song choices and performances were incredible.’ But she has no doubt Ella will go on to be a major star. ‘She’s been getting record deals thrown at her left, right and centre.’
There’s speculation Simon Cowell is going to return for the show’s tenth anniversary next year as the ratings have dropped for a second year running. Tulisa has no plans to walk away though.
Back in the day: Tulisa says recent drama took her back to her N Dubz days
She admits she did ‘sugar-coat’ herself during her X Factor debut last year, when she was suddenly put in the Cheryl Cole slot on the judging panel. ‘I was playing the game a bit then, but I decided I had to be the real me this year.’
The change began when intimate footage of her with an old boyfriend, Justin Edwards, appeared on the internet in May this year. She successfully sued, but realised her reputation had been damaged. ‘I felt as if I was back to where I started.
'This little fantasy world I had created where I was happy just came crashing down. It was back to being Tulisa from N-Dubz and some people’s opinions of me changed.’
'This little fantasy world I had created where I was happy just came crashing down. It was back to being Tulisa from N-Dubz and some people’s opinions of me changed'
That’s why the negative reactions to her relationship with Danny have been so tough. ‘I guess it was love at first sight. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been with a guy. I was wary at first because I didn’t want to become the next WAG. But it’s not my fault who I fall for.
'I told him, “Don’t ever mess with me.” Danny’s here today because of how down I’m feeling. He’s trying to be there for me so we can go through this together. He’s having to play football with thousands of people screaming abuse at him, while I’ve got to go on national TV every weekend.’
As for marriage and children... ‘I love the idea of marriage. I don’t think 24 is young to get married. I want kids too but I’m not ready yet because there’s a lot more I want to achieve.’
Tulisa has her now-famous catchphrase ‘the female boss’ tattooed on her forearm, and believes that message has provided her with the strength to get through the year.
‘I think if the public didn’t believe in or understand the term before, they do now. The female boss is my inner strength, it’s why I’m still fighting. Even with all this success, I’m still being dragged down. But I’ll hold up my arm and say, “I’m going to be happy.” And I will.’
VIDEO: Tulisa opens up about the 'Skeletons' in her closet...
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